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Summertime. Everybody loves summertime. Well maybe not if you live in Florida during hurricane season, but here in Southern California it’s what we live for. It is the one time of the year that we actually have a change of seasons that is noticeable.
It isn’t so much the weather that makes it different; it is the entire mindset that goes with the vibe of summer in Southern California. The Beach Boys, beaches,
surfing, and bikinis. Ah yes, bikinis and summer fashion in general are enough to make most males on this planet want to live here. When the temperature increases the clothes decrease and any heterosexual male who tells you, regardless of age, that they don’t enjoy this is a liar.
Unfortunately, as with most things, there’s a down side. There are those people who don’t understand the limitations of their bodies. With the latest trend of low-slung jeans and t-shirts that expose bare midriffs, even when the temperatures aren’t blazing, people, O.K. women, desperate to fit into these fashions, lose all sense of logic as to what looks acceptable. The rule of thumb should be if you are going to attempt to wear either of the above if your stomach or hips extend beyond the garment it is strictly verboten.
Personally, I don’t understand what they are thinking. Do they think when they stand before the mirror and see their reflection “boy, that’s one hot mama? That roll of fat really looks great sticking out over the top of my low-slung jeans. Maybe if I eat a little more I can make another one?” Please do us all a favor and discover surgical scrubs or sweat suits.
I am not what you would call thin by any stretch of the imagination. I am to put it mildly overweight at this point in my life. I would like to be thinner and maybe in the future I will be, but I do not torture my fellow man and woman by wearing t-shirts and jeans that are three sizes too small. I own a mirror and I know how to use it. I am not so delusional to think that I can put a medium size t-shirt on this 2X body. I wouldn’t want to see it when I’m in public so it’s only fair to return the favor.
But these problems are old ones. They have existed since the demise of the bustle and women became free to show their bodies without fear of public scorn. Every year though somebody comes up with the latest “great” fashion idea and this year is no different. Sadly the word “great” doesn’t even come close to applying here.
You may not have seen them yet but if you have I’m sure your reaction was the same as mine, a wide-open mouth blank stare. Following that reaction I started giggling, which led to out and out laughter. What is it that brought on such frivolity; well I hope I can explain it properly.
It is, well, a face visor. No, that doesn’t due it justice, but I don’t know what else to call it. Picture this. A typical visor whose bill, instead of sticking straight out like the bill of a cap, comes down in front of your face all the way to your chin. Think welder’s mask. It is made out of a dark tinted plastic like what you would get in cheap sunglasses. Whew, I sure hope you got it because I can’t go through that again.
These things are perhaps the dumbest looking fashion accessory I have ever seen, and I have not only seen a lot of dumb fashion trends but have been sucked into a few as well. Can anyone say Nehru jackets and love beads? The only way I could ever see anyone being justified in wearing one of these visors is if the ozone layer completely broke down and the sun started moving closer to us.
Given our heightened state of security I don’t see how these things can even be legal to wear in public. These things are akin to wearing a full-face mask in public. I mean a burkka is more revealing. How, if it is illegal for someone to tint their windows too dark, can it be legal for someone to walk into a place of business wearing one of these? If these visors grow in popularity I can see them becoming a must have fashion accessory for the bank and liquor store robbers on the go.
The only up side that I can see is that anyone stupid enough to wear one of these visors is probably ugly as well so a least we are spared the pain of looking at their faces. As a matter of fact, maybe I should find out where they sell these things and buy them as Christmas gifts for all of the really ugly people I know. It could be my humanitarian act for the year. I wonder if I could get a tax deduction for that?
Better still, if I really move on it before they ban these things, maybe I could come up with a full body version.
The Shrub Speaks: FOUR years ago -- well, none of us will ever forget that week when one era ended and another began. On September the 14th, 2001, I stood in the ruins of the Twin Towers. It's a day I'll never forget. Erie, Pennsylvania, Sep. 4, 2004.
B.D.’s Response: OK Dubya, I guess math is not one of your strong suits. 2001 was THREE years ago. This may explain why you can’t work into your budget healthcare for everyone.
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