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As anyone who reads this column on a regular basis can tell you, I am not what you would call a people person. This is a tad of a drawback given the line of work I have done for the last 30 plus years, which is sales. As you know, that means you are in constant contact with people in one form or another, which I suppose could account for my current views on the human race, or at least a good majority of it.
But through the years I have done a good job at my chosen profession regardless of what it was that I was selling and believe me there has been a lot. I have run the gambit of sales, selling Fuller Brush products door to door, light bulbs and duct tape from a phone boiler room, CB Radios during that craze, and clothes to the polyester disco crowd of the 70’s.
With the exception of the phone boiler room sales all were done face to face. It wasn’t until I started working for Anvil Cases as an inside salesperson and designer did I find something that I was truly comfortable with. As one of my customers once put it to me, I give good phone.
Handling the Los Angeles area, and the massive amount of musicians in this area, my phone would, on average, ring more than 50 times a day. I did that job for more than 10 years and I still dream of ringing phones in my sleep.
It was a good gig and I guess I got spoiled talking to people that, for the most part, I found interesting. That’s probably because they were not in front of me while we were talking. They benefited as well not being able to see the expression on my face when they were saying something that I thought was stupid. Luckily my looks of pain, confusion, and sometimes disgust never passed through the phone lines. With the number of times I rolled my eyes in those 10 years I’m lucky they didn’t roll right out of my head.
Once I moved to outside sales I had to rely on my training from college as an actor. This has served me well in many a situation both in my work and personal life. So in this season of thanks, thanks again mom and dad, your college money wasn’t wasted. Even though I didn’t become a working actor it has helped me make it through life by earning a living doing something I like, and also avoiding serious bodily harm by not being stupid enough to say what I was actually thinking.
I have known far to many people who have never learned this valuable lesson, or despite what education they may have, have chosen to ignore it. In either case I have watched in horror as they let any little thought fly without any forethought as to what the outcome would be. While some of the people around them may think that their comments are cute, or in some odd way witty, they are not in the minds of those who their flippant off hand remarks hurt or offend. When comes the day that they are the one being offended, maybe their view will change, and they will see that it is not OK.
Not only is it rude to always say what you are thinking without contemplating on what the possible outcome might be, not saying things also cuts down on embarrassing the individual you are dealing with. I think about how many times I have walked away from a conversation that I felt was totally inane, boring, and a complete waste of my time and yet, still feeling good that I left that person with his or her dignity intact. You can do it too. You just have to learn to curtail the desire to immediately comment on stupid statements made to you by stupid people. Once I learned this little trick I found myself so much less frustrated with these kinds of conversations.
Especially considering that one of the many tools that I had learned in theatre while in college is I could have verbally reduced that person to mush with a few well-chosen words. Those improvisation and debate classes really did pay off in ways that I never expected, they were like verbal self-defense courses. You only use them when you have to. But even when I do use them, stupid people generally don’t know that they’re stupid, so even though I had just had a gun fight with an unarmed man they walk away feeling victorious. When in reality they are walking away mentally bleeding to death.
It’s kind of like the same feeling a black belt has when facing a blow hard bully. While the black belt knows that the person they are facing is all talk and no action, and that he could kick the bully’s ass ten ways to hell, he doesn’t. He shows restraint like he was taught and only uses his talents when absolutely necessary. That is if he was taught properly.
The verbal version is basically the same philosophy. Say you know the person you are talking to is a moron or a bigot, well actually they are the same thing, and they make some idiotic statement that you know you could filet them on. Instead of doing so you just hold your tongue, knowing that in front of their fellow idiots you didn’t embarrass them. Then you can just walk away secure in the knowledge that they will continue to wallow in their own ignorance that will continue to be displayed for all to see for years to come.
That little lesson turned out to be a very valuable sales tool, that and being able to feign interest in a topic that is of little or no interest to me. The best advice I can offer here is continue to maintain eye contact and keep your responses to one word, like Oh or Really? And what fools them every time is to remain silent, smile, and nod knowingly.
Hopefully these things will help you survive this holiday season when dealing with the always present boring, rude, and ignorant people that seem to surface in droves during this time of the year.
And if you are one of these boring, stupid, or ignorant fools and are taking exception to what I have written, if the shoe fits, chew on it.
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